Five Things You See
by LifeEqualsMusic
Summary: In which Lance is a nervous wreck, and Pidge undergoes a steep learning curve. Plance. Set in Season 2 (I guess).
1. Chapter 1

**Hey, so there are a couple of panic attacks in this, so I guess if this was Tumblr, I'd put a trigger warning, but I'm sure you can all use your heads. Anyway, please enjoy best ship.**

* * *

The first time Pidge found Lance in the middle of a panic attack, it was the middle of the night. Well, night was a loose description, she supposed, when you were hurtling through space in a giant castle, but the lights on board were dimmed, and most of its inhabitants were asleep. Pidge had finally left her lab to get a drink of water before bed at- she checked her watch- _three in the morning?!_ She groaned. Even if time was a subjective concept, Shiro and Allura still kept a strict schedule. In three Earth hours, her alarm would start blaring, and she'd throw the clock across the room, hoping to buy herself some more time under soft blankets.

Her feet carried her into the huge kitchen, and she trudged over to the, uh- _fridge?_ It wasn't quite the right way to refer to it, since it had a section for _hot_ , but nonetheless, she pulled a bottle of water out of the cold section and wrenched the top off a little too eagerly, downing half the bottle in one go.

'Quiznak,' she muttered, and mopped up the water that had spilled onto the floor with her sock. Great. She peeled off her socks and balled them up in frustration, her bare feet already complaining on the freezing metal floor. She began to pad over to the hallway connecting everyone's bedrooms, but stopped short when she head a noise, her head quirking to the side as she strained her ears to listen.

'Hello?' Pidge called, then winced at the volume of her voice in the relative silence. 'Hunk, is that you? You know you're not supposed to be sneaking food in the middle of the night.' The sound reached her again, a little quieter this time. 'M-Mice?' She scoffed at herself. 'Of course it isn't the mice.' Once again. 'Mice don't sniffle.'

She tiptoed over to the island and crouched down to peek around, coming face to face with-

'Lance?' The Cuban boy was curled into a ball under the counter, his arms hugging his knees to his chest as he fought for breath. Pidge blinked, then reached out to touch his shoulder. 'What's the mat-'

' _Don't touch me,'_ Lance gasped, shying away from her hand, 'please.' Pidge withdrew immediately, rocking back on her heels.

'I- I'm sorry.' She fidgeted with the hem of her sweater. 'I'm not sure what you need, Lance. Should I get Hunk?' He shook his head and she bit her lip. 'Shiro then. He- he knows how to deal with this kind of thing. Sit tight,' she decided, and began to straighten up, 'I'll be right back-'

' _No!_ ' Lance's voice was shrill, pained even, and his hand shot out to grab hers. 'Don't leave.' Pidge shrugged.

'Okay.' She squeezed his hand in what she hoped was a reassuring manner and settled down beside him, her back against the cupboards. 'Should- do you want me to talk you through this? You're showing textbook symptoms of a panic attack. Shortness of breath, acute perspiration,' she touched his wrist, 'racing pulse. Usually lasting about ten minutes, most panic attacks-'

'Pidge, _stop_.' Lance let out a choked sob. 'Just stop talking, _please.'_ Her teeth clicked shut, and she dropped her head.

'I'm sorry,' she said again, 'I don't know how to help you.'

' _Pidge._ '

'Right, sorry, shutting up now.' Pidge loosened her grip on his hand, letting him pull away if he needed to, but instead, he laced his long fingers through hers and _squeezed_. She winced as the fine bones in her hand ground together, but didn't say anything, focusing on Lance. his breaths were quick and shallow, his shoulders shaking as he fought to bring himself back under control. She nudged him with her shoulder and breathed in deeply through her nose, held it for a beat, then exhaled through her mouth. Knowing his eyes were on her, she breathed again, and felt him do the same.

In through the nose, hold, out through the mouth.

Repeat.

Repeat.

Repeat.

Finally, his frame wilted against her and he released her hand.

'Thanks, Pidge,' he murmured, and she turned her head toward him.

'Does that happen often?' she asked, and he laid his head on her shoulder.

'Not as much anymore,' he admitted, 'but I was on medication back at the Garrison, but I only used it when it got really bad.' Pidge sighed in understanding.

'They're still there, aren't they? On Earth, I mean.' Lance nodded and Pidge felt her shoulder growing wet. She didn't say anything about that.

'I thought I'd be fine,' he muttered, his voice so quiet and hoarse she almost didn't hear it, 'this hasn't happened in months, even before we found the lions.' She reached for her water and pushed it into his hands.

'Drink.' Lance lifted his head and fixed a confused expression on her. She tried to ignore how red-rimmed his eyes were, or how his lip would tremble every now and then. 'You'll dehydrate yourself. Drink.' Lance hesitated, but after seeing the stern look on Pidge's face, took a deep swallow from the bottle. As he handed it back, the sleeve of his shirt pulled back, and she caught a glimpse of his forearm, raw with scratches.

'Lance,' she breathed, and he followed her gaze, quickly pulling his sleeve back into place.

'I- It's nothing,' he stuttered, and Pidge scowled at him.

'Like hell it's nothing,' she growled. 'Let me see.' Lance tucked his arm into his chest protectively.

'I swear, Pidge, it's nothing. It's just-' he hissed as Pidge wrenched his arm back over and peeled back his sleeve. Several long scratches crisscrossed along the length of his forearm, some so aggressively etched into his skin that they were bleeding.

'Oh, Lance...' her voice lost its dangerous edge as she traced her fingers along one of the longer ones.

'Pidge, it's not what you think.' She flicked her eyes up to meet his, begging for an explanation. 'I use my nails to ground myself during an attack. It's something to focus on aside from the fear.' Pidge shook her head.

'You... you can't...' She leaned heavily on him. 'You can't _do_ that, Lance. Next time, come to me, or Hunk, or _anyone._ ' She bit her lip and touched his chin, turning his head to look at him properly. 'You have people here to help. Just send me a message and I'll come to you.' He held her gaze, and she coughed awkwardly. 'We, I mean. Any of us.'

'I'll try,' he whispered, tears beginning to form in his eyes again. Without thinking, Pidge reached up and brushed them away with her thumb. Lance leaned into her touch and she remembered herself.

'S-sorry,' she stammered, and pulled her hand away. 'We should probably go to bed. Shiro is gonna lose it if we sleep in.' She staggered to her feet, pulling Lance up with her. They slowly made their way back to their rooms, which were right beside each other.

'Can- can you stay with me?' Lance blurted out, and Pidge choked at the implication.

'I, uh, I...' Words began to fail her. 'Can you elaborate on that?'

'Not in a weird way, or anything,' he said quickly, 'I just... I can sleep on the floor, if you want. I just don't want to be in an empty room.' Pidge's expression softened, and she offered him a rare smile.

'You don't have to sleep on the floor,' she muttered, and pulled him into his room.

His room was much tidier than hers, with nothing on the floor except for the game setup she'd rigged up so they could play on the Mercury Game Flux they'd picked up at the space mall. His pyjamas were folded neatly and laying over the arm of the chair in the corner, and his alarm clock read 3:25. Quiznak. Throwing her balled up socks into a corner and slipping her glasses off and onto the table, she lifted up the blankets on his bed and crawled in. Hesitantly, Lance kicked off his shoes and socks and followed her. It should be noted that this was a single bed, and therefore _just_ a little too small for two people, even if one of them was barely five feet.

Lance's arm settled around Pidge's waist, and she stiffened at the touch.

'Is this okay?'

'It's fine,' she replied, 'I just wasn't expecting it.'

'Sorry,' he said, and withdrew his arm. Pidge twisted, rolling over to face her teammate.

'It's okay, Lance. I- whatever you need, I'm here.' She tucked her head into his firm chest and tried to ignore the way his pulse picked up at the contact. His arm slid around her again, and he drew her closer.

'I'm going to make you so many peanut butter cookies,' he murmured into her hair, and she smiled.

'Good luck with that. I'm not sure green goo is easily shaped into cookies.'

'You're a really good friend, Pidge.'

'Go to sleep Lance.'

* * *

Pidge awoke slowly the next morning, or whatever passed for morning on the ship. The lights were back on, which was a good indication of the day cycle. She pulled the blanket back over her head and snuggled farther into the warm chest in front of- wait, what? She cracked her eyes open and peeked up, seeing the still-asleep form of Lance curled around her protectively. Squashing down the bloom of heat that arose in her chest, she nudged him gently.

'Lance.' Another nudge. 'Lance.' A sharp poke this time. ' _Lance,_ wake up.' The boy holding her groaned stretched out, his arms brushing the wall before he wound them back around her and fell asleep again.

' _Quiznak_ , Lance.' She was thoroughly trapped. This was life now. Maybe her teammates could bring her computer in so she could get some work done. Without warning, the door to Lance's room swished open and Shiro stalked in.

'Lance, I swear to God, if you're not dressed and in your lion in the next ten... minutes...' He trailed off when he saw Pidge tangled in Lance's long arms.

'Hey, Shiro,' she said casually, fighting back a blush as best she could, 'it's not what you think.' Shiro crossed his arms and leaned against the door frame.

'What I think, Pidge,' Shiro began, a muscle in his cheek twitching, 'is that you are both an hour behind schedule, so it would be in your best interest to suit up and get down to the hangar.' When Pidge hesitated, he raised an eyebrow. ' _Now.'_ Pidge nodded and squirmed against the surprisingly strong arms holding her in place, finally managing to loosen his grip by rolling them both off the bed and onto the cold metal floor. They hit the ground with a thump and Pidge shot up, snatching her glasses off the table and her socks off the floor in one smooth movement before she sprinted out the door and down the hall to her hangar.

She glanced at her watch- _seven?!-_ and cursed. No time for breakfast, no time for adjustments to Green, not even time to brush her quiznaking teeth.' She rubbed her sleeve across them in an attempt to rid herself of morning breath and pulled her now dry socks onto her feet, hopping through the castle on one foot. She grabbed her suit off her desk in her lab and slipped into it, just as the mice gathered around her feet.

'Sorry, guys, kind of busy here- oh.' They hoisted what _looked_ to be an apple at her, and she plucked it out of their tiny... hands? Paws? 'Thanks,' she said, giving it an experimental sniff before deciding that she didn't care what it was, and bit into it. Finding that it tasted at least _somewhat_ fruity, she smiled at them and raced up the ramp that Green had extended down to her.

The second her seat was in place, she slammed her controls forward and rocketed out to join the other three paladins that were ready and waiting.

'Hey Piiiiidge.' Hunk's voice was teasing over the comms. 'Late night?' Pidge rolled her eyes and _accidentally_ bumped him out of formation.

'I was up until three trying to figure out how to boost the processing power on _your_ lion, Hunk.' The yellow paladin grinned onscreen.

'That's not what I heard from Allura,' he singsonged back at her, and she scowled. 'She said that the mice said that you didn't go back to your room last night, and then Shiro just came back from _Lance's_ room, and guess what he found?' Pidge slammed her fist down on the 'end call' button, and leaned back in her seat.

Stupid Lance. Stupid mice. She sighed. Stupid her. How hard would it have been to turn him down? To say _sorry Lance, can't do it tonight._ She pulled her legs up under her and leaned her head on her fist. It would have been impossible. Finally, the blue lion raced up to them, and she reactivated her comms.

'Finally,' Keith muttered, 'get enough beauty sleep, Lance?' She heard a scoff.

'Some of us like to take care of their personal appearance, Keith.' Lance's voice was light. Teasing, even, as if last night hadn't even happened.

'All right, that enough,' Shiro scolded, and the two of them fell silent. 'Allura designed a few new training exercises for us to run through today, and I don't want to hear any complaining, got it?' Everyone muttered in response. 'Good. Our first drill is space survival.' Everyone groaned.

'Seriously, Shiro?' Lance's voice was petulant but Pidge couldn't find it in herself to disagree with him. 'If I'd known we were getting launched into space without our lions, I'd have just stayed in bed.'

'As much as I hate to agree with Lance, I have to say, I agree with Lance,' Keith grumbled. 'Can we skip survival today, Shiro? I don't think anyone is in the right mindset, especially with this weird Pidge and Lance thing going on.' Pidge bristled.

'And what _thing_ would that be exactly, Keith?' Her voice was sharp, daring him to challenge her, but he stayed quiet. 'Hunk, you're with me.'

'Aw maaaaan,' Hunk whined, but flew up to join her anyway.

'Thank you, Pidge,' Shiro gave her a half smile onscreen, 'instead of our usual half-hour drill, we'll be aiming for forty-five minutes.' Pidge nodded and set a timer to go off every fifteen minutes. 'Link your comms to each other only, but remember that Allura will be able to monitor you in the castle, so if you think you can't make it, just let her know. Otherwise, you two are on your own.' Hunk was whimpering beside her, but she steeled herself.

'You'll be fine, Hunk.' She sealed her helmet and opened Green's hatch, leaping out without waiting for Hunk to respond.

She had an odd relationship with open space. When she was Pidge Gunderson, when she had an objective to focus on, it didn't matter where she was, or what was in her way. She got the job done. Take all of that away, and she was Katie Holt again, the quiet girl who preferred to squirrel herself away in a tiny nook in the corner of a lab or library and watch the world pass by without her.

As Hunk drifted toward her, she swallowed hard.

'We're ready, Shiro,' she said as she grabbed Hunk's arm to keep them from floating away from each other, 'switching comms now.' She reached up and tapped the side of her helmet, silencing Keith and Lance's arguing. Hunk mirrored her, and the three remaining paladins swept into action, pushing Yellow and Green back to the castle and disappearing inside. Pidge activated her timer and linked her arm through Hunk's.

'Sound off every fifteen minutes,' she instructed, and she felt him exhale roughly.

'Got it.' They lapsed into a silence that could have been described as comfortable, if they hadn't been marooned in deep space with no chance of rescue for almost an hour.

'Hey Pidge?' Hunk's voice was uncertain, clearly wanting to talk about something, but not wanting to overstep his boundaries.

'We should be conserving our oxygen, Hunk,' she reprimanded lightly, but still he pushed on.

'No, I know. I just... what exactly _is_ going on between you and Lance?' Her veins turned to ice and she tilted her head toward him.

'Nothing's going on. He just... I found him...' She groaned. 'I shouldn't be talking to you about this. If you want to know what happened, ask him.' The silence dragged on again, and despite her best efforts to think about anything else, ocean eyes rimmed with red kept invading her thoughts. She pushed them away and tried to recite pi to as many digits as she could until an alert popped up on her visor.

'Sound off. Pidge here.'

'Hunk here,' he replied, and pressed his luck again. 'He had a panic attack, didn't he?' Pidge almost pushed him away in surprise.

'You know about those?' Hunk sighed and reached up to drag a hand over his face before remembering he had a full helmet on.

'I saw the medication by his bed at the Garrison, but to my knowledge, he'd been fine for months before that.' Pidge bit her lip and didn't answer, choosing instead to let the suffocating silence lapse over them.

She'd never really had friends before the Garrison, and even when she'd been assigned to Lance and Hunk's team, she'd kept her distance, focused solely on finding _any_ information on Matt and her father. Pizza and talking about girls? No thanks. Of course, that also left her socially stunted and sharp with her words, mistrustful of anyone who tried to get close to her. She hadn't been at the Garrison to make friends, but Lance and Hunk had wormed through her walls and slowly, and with great persistence on their part, she'd warmed up to them.

Her alarm went off, signifying the thirty minute mark.

'Sound off,' she muttered, 'Pidge here.'

'Hunk here,' he said, and even though she could tell he wanted to say more, he kept quiet.

'It was bad, Hunk,' she breathed, and his arm twitched in hers. 'I always thought his pilot ego was sort of an act, covering up some insecure part of him, but...' She balled her hands into fists. 'I didn't realize it was a coping mechanism, this much of a crutch for him.' She blinked hard, trying to clear her mind. 'I keep remembering his eyes, she admitted, 'every time I let my brain relax, his sad eyes are staring back at me.' She gripped Hunk's arm, probably too tightly, but he didn't complain. 'What was I supposed to do, Hunk? I don't know the first thing about clinical anxiety.' She paused, then reworded her thoughts. 'Well, I know as much as anyone else, I guess. The imbalance of serotonin, dopamine, norepinephrine, and GABA is the most likely cause, causing the amygdala to malfunction, triggering physical symptoms that can-'

'I thought we were supposed to be conserving oxygen,' Hunk quipped, and Pidge clicked her jaw shut. 'Clinical knowledge isn't going to help him, Pidge.' She scoffed miserably.

'Great. The one thing I _can_ do, and it's completely useless.' Hunk nudged her and caught her eye with a sad smile.

'Your knowledge may be unhelpful in practice, but _you_ aren't.'

'I asked him if he needed you or Shiro, but he wouldn't let me leave,' she admitted, 'I know you would have calmed him down faster.' Hunk shrugged.

'Who can say? All that really matters is that you were there for him. He'll have his own strategy for coping, and if you want to want to talk to him about it, then just do it. Let _him_ tell you how to help.' Pidge gave him a tiny smile.

'Thanks Hunk.' She gave him a sly grin. 'You know, I don't care what they say about you. You're a smart guy.' Hunk stilled in her arm and he whipped his head toward her.

'What? What are people saying? Do they think I'm an idiot?' Pidge let out a chuckle and laid her head on his shoulder.

'Don't even worry about it,' she said, her heart feeling lighter by the second. She had worth. She could help.

The rest of their drill passed without incident, and Shiro came to pick them up just as Pidge's last alarm went off.

'How was it, guys?' Pidge rolled her eyes at him.

'Boy, I sure do love being in the crushing vacuum of space,' she snapped, but her eyes softened as they landed on Hunk. 'Had a good partner, though.' Shiro smiled and closed the hatch, flying them all back to the castle in a comfortable silence.

* * *

 **Oh my God. Me? Writing? Doubtful.**


	2. Chapter 2

**Here we go.**

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'Keith, Lance. You're up.' Lance groaned as Shiro's voice filtered over their comms, the ramp to the black lion sliding down to let Hunk and Pidge out. Pidge practically _skipped_ out, tearing off her helmet and making a beeline straight for her lion.

'Quiznak, it feels good to get that off,' she said with a grin, 'I've had an itch on my scalp for almost an hour.' She dragged her fingers through the unkempt hair and scratched mercilessly. 'Oh yeah, that's the good stuff.' Lance watched her with a small smile on his face. It was nice to see her back to her old self after this morning's tension. Keith's shoulder slammed into his and he staggered to the side with a grunt.

'What the _hell_ , Keith?' His rival glared down at him from the ramp.

'If you're done staring at your girlfriend, can we get a move on please? I don't want to be stuck with you for longer than I have to.' Lance glared right back, sliding his helmet back on and brushing past Keith on the ramp.

'I'm just waiting on you, big guy. Not getting cold feet, are you?' _Besides, she's not my girlfriend._ Before the surly young man could respond, Shiro clapped a hand down on Lance's shoulder.

'All right, that's enough. Maybe forty-five minutes in a deep space vacuum will teach you cooperation.' He pushed them both up through the hatch of his lion and took his seat at the controls.

'If either of you switch your comms back before your time is up, you'll be sleeping on the floor of my bunk for a week,' he threatened. Lance smirked.

'Oh, is that a promise?'

'Shut up, Lance.' Keith shoved him away roughly, ignoring his cries of protest. 'It won't be a problem, Shiro.' The older pilot smiled back at him.

'Make sure it isn't.' They reached the drop zone, and the two rivals sealed their helmets. 'See you two soon. Try not to rip each other to pieces out there.' He gave them a lopsided grin. 'It'll be a ton of paperwork if either of you dies.' He opened the hatch and dropped them, speeding back to the castle before they could respond. Lance crossed his arms and pouted.

'God, what a dick.'

'Lance, you haven't switched your comm over yet,' Shiro warned, his voice dangerous, and Lance yelped, tapping his helmet hastily.

'Idiot,' Keith muttered, but floated over to him anyway, linking their arms together. 'Try to conserve your oxygen. It may only be a drill, but this could save our lives someday.'

'And here I thought Shiro was our Space Dad,' Lance said with a sneer. Keith rolled his eyes, but didn't retaliate, setting his timer.

'Sound off every fifteen.'

'Sure.' Honestly, the less talking they did, the better. Of course, that left his mind up to its own devices, which was not a great situation for him. He counted to a hundred, then five hundred, and he didn't think about Pidge. He tried to come up with a strategy for defeating the tough boss he was stuck on in _Killbot Phantasm_ , and he didn't think about Pidge. He recited the alphabet backward _twice_ , then counted stars, then did everything he could to _not think about Pidge._

'Will you stop fidgeting?' Keith's sharp voice brought him back from his definitely Pidge-less memories, and he scowled.

'I'm bored,' he whined, knowing that the red paladin would chalk his behaviour up to being an idiot, rather that stuck thinking about how nice Pidge had smelled, even after a full day in her lab. 'Can we talk about something?'

'That kind of negates the purpose of the drill,' Keith snapped, but after seeing Lance wilt in on himself, he relented. 'Fine. You want to talk? Maybe tell me what's going on with you and Pidge. Is this going to be a problem?' Lance quirked an eyebrow.

There's nothing between me and Pidge-'

'Pidge and I,' Keith corrected, earning a scowl from Lance.

'Me and Pidge,' he insisted. 'We were up late playing _Killbot_ , and we fell asleep. Nothing to tell.' Keith's grip on his arm tightened.

'That's not what Shiro said. Or the mice.' Lance froze for a moment, then tried to laugh it off.

'Th- the mice are just little tiny animals, Keith. And- and you know how Shiro blows things out of proportion. I mean, the guy is practically off his rocker.' A bead of sweat trickled down his temple and disappeared into his hair. _Not now._

'The mice are smarter than you, Lance. And Shiro is the most level headed of all of us. From what he told us, you were holding on to Pidge like your life depended on it.' Keith's alarm sounded before he could push it any further. 'Ugh. Sound off. Keith here.'

'Lance here,' he said as he fought to keep his voice steady. 'You know what, I think I'm done talking.' Keith snorted.

'Never thought I'd see the day,' he muttered, but let it drop for now. Of course, the silence drew Lance right back into his own head, but this time, he let it go.

He hadn't had a panic attack since the night before leaving Varadero for the Garrison. Why now? It usually stemmed from isolation, as far as he could tell, but he hadn't really been _alone_ for months. He'd made fast friends with Hunk the second they'd met, and even though it took a while to connect with her, he was getting closer to Pidge too. He swallowed hard and tried to ignore the sweat beading on his forehead.

 _Think of something else. Anything_.

His thoughts exploded with images of Pidge. The way their fingers laced together, the look she'd get when she would try to teach him something, or how she'd felt last night, her head tucked into his chest and his arms wound around her protectively. He'd be lying if he said he wasn't attracted to her, but he knew it would never happen. She was too focused on finding her family, and what she felt for him was nothing more than an irritating friendship.

Almost immediately, his chest heaved.

'F-fuck,' he muttered under his breath, and Keith turned to him.

'You okay, Lance?' The Cuban boy bit through the flesh on his lip and fixed him with a terrified expression, red blood dripping off his mouth and onto his chin. 'Shit,' the red paladin swore, and tapped his helmet, bringing their comms back online.

'Keith?' Shiro's voice was surprised. 'I thought Lance would be the first to crack and call us.'

'Shiro, we've got a problem. There's something wrong with Lance.' Pidge pushed her way into the frame of the screen.

'Keith, you need to bring him back here right _now_ ,' she snapped, Hunk nodding behind her.

'I'm heading out now, Keith,' Shiro said reassuringly, 'keep each other safe.' The holographic screen disappeared, and they were on their own again.

'Tell me how to help, Lance.'

'I- I don't...' Lance's hands were shaking uncontrollably as his head swivelled around, trying to get his bearings. 'I can't...' Keith grabbed his hands in a strong grip and squeezed.

'You've gotta tell me what's wrong, man. Shiro will be here any second.' Lance sniffled and blinked the gathering tears back.

'I'm having- I have anxiety,' he bit out, 'and I'm pretty sure this is a panic attack.' Keith's eyes widened in surprise.

'Shit. It's going to be okay, Lance. Focus on me. Tell me five things you see.' Lance bit back a sob and searched his friend's face.

 _'_ I... Your eyes,' he finally managed to say, and Keith nodded.

'Good. Keep going.'

'Your visor, and- and your hair.' Keith offered him a rare genuine smile.

'You're doing great. Shiro's almost here.' Lance's breathing, while still ragged and unsteady, evened slightly.

'I see... stars... and Shiro.' The black paladin leapt out of his lion and raced toward them, pulling Lance's arm over his shoulder as soon as he could reach him.

'Let's get him out of here,' he barked, and pulled both of them back up to his lion. The hatch snapped shut and he jumped back into his seat, speeding back toward the castle. Keith sat Lance back against the wall and pulled his helmet off.

'Tell me four things you can feel,' Keith said gently, and Lance strained his ears.

'I can... Black's engines. Your hands. The floor.' He winced at his stinging lip. 'Pain.'

The black lion landed in the hangar and he felt himself getting pulled to his feet by Shiro and Keith.

'Come on, Lance. We need to go see Coran,' Shiro said in a low voice, clearly unsure of how to help.

'No,' Lance gasped, shaking his head violently, 'Pidge. Hunk.' Shiro hesitated, and Lance nearly sobbed. 'Please.'

Finally, Shiro nodded and helped him down the ramp and into the hangar. His eyes landed on Hunk and Pidge, and he sagged in relief, sinking to his knees as soon as he touched level ground. Pidge broke out of Hunk's grip and raced over to him, still in her armor, and skidded on her knees to meet him.

'Lance,' she whispered, trying to hide her own tears, 'breathe with me.' She cupped his face and inhaled deeply, just like the night before. He imitated her as well as he could, ignoring the stab of pain in his lip every time cold air touched it. Hunk flopped down next to him and rubbed his back.

'It's gonna be over soon, buddy. This isn't gonna last forever.' Lance took in another deep breath, meeting Pidge's eyes and wrapping his arms around her. He yanked her forward and crushed her into his chest, feeling Hunk pulling them both into a hug.

'I'm sorry,' he whispered, tears streaming into Pidge's hair, 'I'm sorry, I'm sorry, _I'm sorry_.' She clutched him to her desperately, and Hunk's arms tightened, reassuring them both.

'You have nothing to apologize for, buddy. This kind of thing happens sometimes.' Lance heard the hangar door swish open, and rapid footsteps approached them.

'Oh my,' Allura said, 'Shiro, is everyone all right?' Before Shiro could answer, Lance drew in one last ragged breath and cut him off.

'We're fine, Allura. I'm sorry, I sort of lost my cool out there.' He lifted his face out of Pidge's hair and glanced up at Keith.

'Sorry about that, man. Give me a minute to recover, and we can go back out.'

'Like hell you're going back out there today,' Pidge snapped, 'you need to eat something. Or drink something.' Lance felt his walls slam back down at being coddled, and he released her from his grasp.

'I'm not a kid, Pidge. I can handle myself.' Pidge's eyes widened for a fraction of a second, then grew cold.

'I never said you couldn't handle yourself, you _quiznaking idiot_. If you want to jump back out there before you're fully recovered, be my guest.' She got to her feet and turned on her heel, storming back over to her lion and flopping into her desk chair. Damn it.

'I have to say I agree with Pidge, Lance,' Shiro said carefully, as if he was afraid he would break Lance with his words. 'You should at least have something to eat before you go back out.' Lance shrugged Hunk's arms off and stood up, glaring at their leader.

'You don't have to treat me with kid gloves. Like I said, I can handle myself.' He brushed past Shiro and stalked out of the hangar. He wasn't sure where he was going, but anywhere was better than here.

He saw something in their eyes. Pity. This was why he'd kept it a secret. This was why he'd snuck out to the kitchen to cry. He knew they would hear him in his room, and someone would come to check on him. Damn it.

Eventually, his feet led him back to his own room, and he trudged inside, stripping his armor off and flopping into the bed, past caring that everything was scattered all over the floor. He curled in on himself and drew his blankets up over his head. They still smelled like Pidge. He threw them off onto the floor and screamed until his voice went hoarse.

They never understood. Every time he worked up the nerve to tell someone, they ended up treating him differently. It was part of the reason he acted the way he did. Nobody expected such a positive, extroverted guy to be so broken inside.

His door hissed open, and he growled.

'Go away.' His bed flexed under someone's weight and he curled into a tighter ball.

'Pidge is really upset, you know.' Hunk's hand landed on his shoulder, but he shook it off. 'She didn't mean anything by what she said. She's just concerned.'

'You don't know what it's like, Hunk. For everyone to look at you like you're... like you're...'

'Like you're broken? Is how you think we see you?' Lance shrugged.

'Isn't it? I saw the look in her eyes, Hunk. In yours. You _pitied_ me.' Hunk shoved him roughly, and Lance shot up, his hand curling into a fist.

'You're an idiot.'

'Excuse me?'

'You heard me. You think I see you any differently because of this? I've known for almost as long as we've been friends.' Lance sputtered.

'How- when- why didn't you _say_ anything?' Hunk rolled his eyes and shoved him again, knocking him into the wall this time.

'Oh my God, you are such an idiot. I wasn't going to be the jerk to bring it up, now was I? I figured you'd tell me when you felt comfortable.' Lance studied his hands, not trusting himself to speak as Hunk stood up.

'You should take care of that lip. You're going to get blood everywhere.' His friend left him alone in his room again.

Lance flopped onto his back and stared at the ceiling. They didn't understand. But was that really their fault? Maybe it was time to explain exactly what was going on. He closed his eyes and let out a breath before sitting up and pulling on his jacket and shoes. He had to make things right with Pidge.

* * *

 **Wooooo one more to go.**


	3. Chapter 3

**I seriously can't get enough of these two.**

* * *

Stupid Lance. Stupid, stupid Lance, with his macho ego, and his pride, and his strong hands, and his blue... eyes...

Pidge snapped back into reality and focused back on her coding, tapping furiously on her keyboard.

'You know,' a smooth voice said, 'you probably don't have to push that hard on the keys. But hey, you're the programmer, what do I know?' Her mind ground to a halt and she reflexively lifted her hands off the keys before she destroyed her careful coding.

'What do you want, Lance?' One of the strange apple _things_ the mice gave her this morning was pushed into her hands.

'I know you're mad at me, but I also know that you haven't really eaten anything today.' She refused to look at him. She wasn't going to. Her resolve would crumble as soon as she saw him. She drew her legs up under her and scowled.

'Thinking you know me? Pretty rich, coming from you,' she snapped instead, and she heard a sigh, then the legs of a chair scraping against the metal floor.

'I know,' he muttered, 'that's actually why I'm here.' He spun her chair around to face him, but still she kept her gaze fixed on the fruit in her hands. 'I wanted to explain myself, and...' He trailed off, and she knew he was rubbing the back of his neck. 'And I wanted to- to apologize.'

'Knock yourself out,' Pidge muttered, but there was no venom in her tone, 'I'm not going anywhere.' Lance sighed again, and she could see him fidgeting out of the corner of her eye.

'I'm not really... good... at this kind of thing.' He seemed to steel himself before speaking again. 'I'm so sorry, Pidge. I let my ego get the better of me, and I lashed out, and I know you probably hate me right now, but honestly, you're one of my best friends, and you were there when I needed you, and I took that kindness and I threw it back in your face.' His words rushed out in one long sentence, and Pidge had to fight down a smirk.

'I suppose I accept your apology,' she said, still looking away, 'but don't let it happen again.' There was a long silence, and she finally glanced up to see him slumped over with his head in his hands.

'I- I can't promise that,' he whispered, 'I can't really control when this happens, and when it does, I just... I just feel...' Pidge put her apple on her desk and leaned forward, taking his hands in hers.

'Is this okay?' she asked, her voice soft. He nodded. 'I know you can't... I know that when it happens, it's not your fault. What I meant to say was _don't push us away_. Don't push _me_ away. We all love you, Lance, and we all want to help, but...' She swallowed. 'I don't know how.' He looked up to meet her soft gaze and gave her a small smile. He'd cleaned the blood off his lip, and it looked like it had stopped bleeding.

'Let me teach you.' Pidge couldn't help but grin back at him.

'Okay.' Lance pushed himself out of his chair and pulled Pidge along with him. Together, they made their way to one of the more secluded areas of the castle and settled down on a blanket they had nabbed from Pidge's room.

'This... this is sort of hard to talk about,' Lance said, suddenly unsure of himself, but Pidge just cocked her head and smiled.

'We can take it slow. How long have you...'

Since I was five.' he replied. 'I was diagnosed with generalized anxiety just after my fifth birthday.' Pidge's eyes dropped, suddenly unable to hold his gaze.

'Oh.' Lance frowned.

'Please don't... don't _look_ at me like that,' he said sadly.

'Like what?'

'Like I'm... I don't know, something to be pitied.' Pidge recoiled.

'Lance, I would never-' He covered her mouth his his hand, and gave her a _look_.

'No, it's- I'm used to it. It used to bother me a lot, but I guess when you expect the worst from people, you can always be pleasantly surprised at the least.' Pidge glared at him and wrenched his hand off her face.

'You're doing it again,' she accused, and he looked at her out of the corner of his eye.

'So are you.' He swiped his face with his hand. 'Think of it this way. If you woke up one day and were told by doctors that you would never walk again, that you were wheelchair bound for the rest of your life, how would you want people- your _friends_ \- to treat you?' Pidge looked thoughtful, gnawing on her lip while she pondered.

'It would be hard, I think, at first, but I'd want people to- _oh!'_ Her hands flew up to cover her mouth. 'Lance, I am so, so sorry. I've been such an idiot.' Of course. That's why he was so angry earlier. They were treating him like a kid- like some sort of- of _invalid_ \- when they should have just supported him and let him take the lead. He smiled sadly at her.

'You didn't know. How _could_ you have known? I haven't exactly been open about this kind of thing before. This... I'm going to have this for the rest of my life, and I've come to terms with that. I've been living with this for over twelve years.' He pulled her hands away from her mouth and squeezed. 'I'm still me. I'm still the Lance you met on your first day at the Garrison.' Pidge frowned, but didn't pull her hands away.

'So how much of your personality is a coping mechanism?' she asked bluntly. 'Are you really a womanizing, would-be hotshot, or is it all just an act?' Lance bit his lip and averted his gaze.

'I don't know,' he admitted, 'I've hidden this for so long that I don't know what parts are the real me, and what parts I put up to protect myself.'

'Can I ask one more question?' Lance nodded, but she hesitated. 'It might be a difficult one to answer, so if you feel you can't answer, that's fine, I just-'

'Pidge!' His voice was sharp, but warm. 'It's okay.'

'What seems to set you off the most?' She saw his eyes shift off her face, and her heart sank. 'If you don't want to say, that's okay-'

'Isolation.' His voice was flat. 'Not necessarily physical loneliness, but the feeling of...' He broke off, unable to continue. Pidge scooted over to sit next to him, her back against the same wall as his.

'Tell me five things that you see,' she whispered, and Lance chuckled mirthlessly.

'Been talking to Keith? That's a common way to try and end a panic attack.' Pidge elbowed him, and he smiled, throwing his arm around her shoulders and pulling her to his side.

'Shut up and look around,' she snapped, and he rolled his eyes.

'I see metal panels, and two pairs of shoes. Pasty chicken legs- _ow!_ I mean, beautiful, shapely legs.' He turned and examined her face. 'Glasses. Freckles.' A blush worked its way onto Pidge's face, and she coughed awkwardly.

'Four things you feel.'

'Your blanket. This cold-as-hell metal floor. My lip. Your hair.' He tugged on a lock of her wild hair to prove a point, and she batted his hand away with a laugh.

'Three things you hear.'

'The hum of the ship. Your nails tapping against the floor.' He swallowed. 'My heartbeat.' Pidge's own heart felt as though it had dropped into her stomach, but she forced herself to stay calm.

'T-two things you smell.' He was close. When did he get so close?

'Your soap. Your toothpaste.' _Quiznak_. Digging her nails into her palm to steady her voice, she forced herself to say the words.

'One thing you-' Lance's hand shot out and cupped the back of her head, dragging her face to his and crushing their lips together. She brought her hands out to his chest and gripped the lapels of his jacket tightly, pulling him flush against her while one of his own hands drifted down to the small of her back, his fingers digging into the soft skin under the hem of her shirt. He dragged his tongue against the seam of her lips and she parted them in surprise, allowing him to deepen the kiss easily. His nose bumped her glasses, and he smiled against her mouth, pulling back just long enough to slip them from her face and set them on the floor beside them.

'You,' he murmured as he dropped another kiss on her reddened lips. 'I taste you.' Pidge's blush deepened, and she reached up to brush a piece of his hair out of his face.

'I, um, I wasn't expecting-' Lance grinned down at her, and she felt a grin of her own slip over her features. Her thumb traced over his cheekbone softly, and he reached up to press it to his face, planting a kiss on her palm.

'Pidge Gunderson, are you speechless?' Lance smirked into her hand. 'Never thought I'd see a day without one of your biting comments.' Pidge opened her mouth to tell him off, to push him away and tell him to _stop being such an idiot,_ but she was loath to have him any farther from her. So instead, she tucked her head under his chin and snuggled into his chest. His arms snaked back around her waist and he pressed a kiss to her wild hair.

'It's Katie, actually,' she mumbled, 'Katie Holt.' Lance's arms tightened around her.

'Katie, huh?' He leaned back and pulled one of his hands off her to offer it in a handshake. Frowning in confusion, Pidge slipped her hand into his and laughed when he shook it. 'It's nice to meet you, Katie. I'm Lance McClain, pilot and boyfriend extraordinaire.' They both froze, taken aback by Lance's sudden suggestion. 'Uh, I mean, if you don't want-' He was cut off by Pidge's lips pressing against his own, a little unsure. She smiled against him, barely daring to hope that this beautiful, kind boy would be interested in a girl like her.

'I've never... This is all new to me, Lance.' His smile fell a little, and she immediately backtracked. 'No! That's not what I meant. I want to try this with you, but I have no experience in the slightest.' She reached up to adjust her glasses before remembering that he'd already taken them off. 'I just don't want to disappoint you.'

' _Katie_ ,' he breathed, and a thrill ran through her at the sound of her real name on his lips, ' _Dios_ , you could never disappoint me.' He ducked down and kissed her again. 'You're incredible.' She scoffed, and he clamped his hand over her mouth. 'I mean it. That this beautiful, sarcastic genius is even considering some dork from Varadero is... it's...' He let out a shaky breath and leaned his forehead against hers. 'If anything, I'll let _you_ down.' Pidge's breath hitched, and she launched herself forward, tackling the tall boy and knocking him flat on his back. His arms wrapped around her reflexively and she heard his breath rush out of his lungs.'

' _Mierda_ , Pidge.' She couldn't hold back her laughter, and a giggle escaped her throat. Lance froze. 'Oh my God. Pidge. Oh my God. What was that?' Pidge rolled her eyes and pushed his head to the side.

'Mention it to anyone, McClain, and I'll have your head.' Lance threw her a shit eating grin and pinned her against his chest.

'Relax, _Holt._ Your girly secret is safe with me.' Pidge thumped her fist against his ribs weakly and tried to stifle a yawn. She pushed Lance away and sat up, glancing at her watch.

'How much sleep did we get exactly?' Lance propped himself up on his elbow and pulled her back down onto him.

'I dunno, three, maybe four hours? It was kind of hard to tell when Shiro was threatening me with castration.' Pidge raised one of her eyebrows and grinned.

'He really is Space Dad,' she laughed, and rolled off of him. 'Come on, let's go play some _Killbot._ It always puts me to sleep when you spend twenty minutes trying to match my pure skill and intellect.' Lance glared at her and heaved himself to his feet, dragging the blanket up with him.

'You're on, Holt. Be warned, though; I've been practicing.' He extended his hand down to her and she took it, snatching her glasses from off the floor and blushing when he laced their fingers together. Flashing her a grin, he took off down the hall, towing her behind him and laughing as she snapped at him to slow down. They skidded to a halt outside his room, their chests heaving from their sprint.

'So... I guess we just go in, right?' Despite Lance's reassurances, Pidge found herself kicking the floor with the toe of her shoe nervously. He glanced down at her.

'You don't have to come in if you're not comfortable,' he said, loosening his grasp on his hand so she could pull away if she wanted to. Instead, she tapped the lock on his door and stepped into his room as soon as it swished open. She pulled her rig closer to the bed and hopped up, brandishing the controller at Lance.

'I'm further along than you, so you should play to catch up.' Lance narrowed his eyes at her but hopped onto the bed anyway, kicking his shoes off and leaning back against the wall.

'Ready to be amazed by my incredible RPG inventory management skill?' He winked down at her, and she burst out laughing.

'You sure know the way to a girl's heart, Casanova.' Her laugh faded down to a soft smile and she slid down, laying her head across his lap as he booted the console. 'This- this is nice,' she mumbled, and closed her eyes when she felt his fingers land in her hair. He fidgeted behind her for a moment before she felt his jacket drape over her shoulders. Her eyes grew heavy, and she let them flutter closed when he combed his fingers through her hair again, a soft sigh escaping her as she fell asleep.

Eventually, the rest of the group came to check on Lance, pushing Allura through the door first. She glared at the boys, but clapped her hands over her mouth when she saw the two of them sleeping soundly, Lance's head resting against the wall beside his bed, one of his hands still tangled in Pidge's hair, the other with a slack grip on a controller. Pidge was curled up next to him, her head still on his lap while she snored quietly. Allura glanced at the screen opposite them, which was glowing faintly, their game still on the title screen.

 _I knew it._

* * *

 **Wowee, I actually finished something! I'm already planning a new Plance fic, the slow burn that I ACTUALLY wanted to write the first time, so keep an eye out! Review if you want, it's a free country (I'd love it a lot though).**


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